


Tick, Tick, Boom

by PhaeGay (2lulah)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, HIV/AIDS, M/M, So much angst, minor fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 21:44:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5514407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2lulah/pseuds/PhaeGay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marco falls in love with a ticking time bomb, Jean Kirschstein.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tick, Tick, Boom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vashiane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vashiane/gifts).



Nothing was harder than seeing him crumble. His strong sturdy body became nothing but bone and skin, veins poking through his thinning skin. Tremoring fingers and weak breathing felt like he was losing him.

Jean had contracted it seven years ago. He hadn’t known, and he wouldn’t have thought to check. A stupid boy at seventeen, why would he believe someone his own age had it too? He should’ve known not to go against what everyone in the world had told him to do. But, he was stubborn, and now he realized it was his life on the line, and so far, his balance was staggering.  
Jean met Marco four years ago. Marco was the nurse who realized the lesions on his skin were an indicator of something more than accidental bruises.

 

_“Sir, do you have any idea where these marks came from?” He spun on his chair, turning to Jean._  
“No, I don’t. They pop up and go away pretty frequently.” Jean shrugged, eyes following Marco’s body as he moved close to him. Jean could easily say this was the cutest nurse he had ever seen.  
“Have you had anal sex without protection?” Marco asked, eyes wide with worry as he listened to his heartbeat.   
“Yeah, once. Why?”  
“Mr. Kirschstein, we need to take a blood test.” 

 

Jean found out only hours later he had HIV.   
Marco promised to help him, promised to be there by his side, because he didn’t believe it was fair to watch him go through it alone. It wasn’t fair for anyone to be alone. Not someone as brave as him. He was weak, and that was okay, but he always kept the courage to push on. 

 

Their first date was in the cafeteria of the lunchroom after Jean was hospitalized. Doctor Arlert and Head Nurse Leonhardt were not pleased to find him out of his room, but they knew they couldn’t say, “No,” to Marco’s pleading face.

 

Marco kissed Jean for the first time after spoon feeding him. Jean’s hands had been trembling so badly he was incapable of holding his pudding cup. 

 

Soon enough, they fell in love. And it was too easy for both of them. 

 

_“You fell in love with a ticking time bomb.”  
“It’s not like I had a choice, Jean.”  
“I can’t give you what you want.” Jean said as he closed his eyes. He took in a deep breath before letting it slip from his lips with tremor.   
“That’s funny, because you’re all I want.”  
“I can’t give you that, Marco.”  
“You already have.”_

 

Marco thought on occasion he was actually staring at Jean’s skeleton.   
And eventually, Marco knew he would be one. Not that he ever wanted to admit it. _I brought home the cold. I should’ve stayed somewhere else. I could’ve done something._  
The white walls of the hospital let the sounds of the machines bounce off of them, and constant beat of Jean’s heart was the only thing keeping Marco awake. He wouldn’t lose a single moment. If Jean was awake, so was he. He couldn’t risk falling asleep to wake up he had-   
“Marco, don’t.” He whispered to him as his eyes fluttered open and closed. “Please, don’t look at me like that. You know it’s coming.”  
“Jean, you’ll pull through this, you will.” _Don’t lose the strength you have, Jean. I don’t want you to go yet._  
“I’m dying, Marco.” Jean sighed and shook his head.  
“Don’t. Don’t say that, please.” Tears were not an easy thing to swallow when the lump in his throat prevented him from breathing.   
“Who are you kidding? AIDS is a bitch. I didn’t catch it early enough. I didn’t think. I was stupid and naive and then I fell in love with you. You gave me a life I never knew I could have. I lived a good life, I had you by my side.”  
“It’s not over yet, Jean.”   
“I could die in the next ten minutes, and that’d be okay, you know. It’d be okay, because I knew you.”  
“Jean.”  
“Or I could die in five years, in pain and coughing up blood, and that’d be okay, too. I love you, Marco.” He began to cough then, bringing the sanitary napkin to his face to cover his mouth.   
Marco pressed a kiss to his head, and bit back the tears that threatened his disposition. “I love you too, Jean.”  
 _I always will._

 

“He wants you to spread his ashes.” The lawyer spoke. She had jet black hair, and the nameplate M. Ackerman on her desk. “You know, I knew Jean, personally. We were very close friends in high school.”   
“You must be Mikasa, then.” Marco choked out.  
“I am.” She threaded her fingers through her hair. “I’m glad he had you by his side when he… passed.” She took a deep breath and pushed the will towards him. “He left you everything. Every cent, every piece of furniture. Everything. He was a _huge_ Mama’s Boy. I’m surprised. He must’ve really loved you, Mr. Bodt.”   
“I sure loved him.”

 

“Hello, Jean.”  
Urns were smoother than Marco ever could’ve believed. He held Jean in his hands, and took in a deep breath. “This was your boat, Jean. Can you hear me? Do you know we’re here?” He asked softly as he unscrewed the lid. He let his fingers dip into the urn to pull out a small handful of ashes. He held Jean tight in his hand, and once he felt the wind blow through his hair, he let his hand open to let him be free.   
“This is what you want, right? Ashes spread in the ocean.”   
Marco wiped his tears with his sleeve as he moved his hand back into the urn for another handful. “It’s Christmas, you know that? I know you wanted to make it to Christmas this year. You wanted to see the snow, but California doesn’t really give you much to work with. I wanted to give you the Christmas you always wanted. I’m sorry you didn’t, I…” He put the black box on the wooden board in front of him. “I was going to have you marry me. I wanted to take your name. You know, Jean, I wanted to always have that piece of you.”  
He smiled down at the picture in his lap, Jean smiling with the tube across his face, eyes closed. “You always said you hated this picture. But, the only other time I saw you smile like this was when we got together. I thought maybe I’d get to see it one more time when I proposed… But, life had a different course for us, didn’t it?”  
Another handful.   
“I don’t want to forget your voice. I don’t want to forget the sound you always made when I kissed you.” Marco finally felt the tears pour down his cheeks freely, “Jean, I can’t live without you. I miss you, Jean.” He stood up, and pour the rest of the ashes overboard. “I hope… I hope….”  
“And I’ll miss you.”   
“Jean?”   
And all he could find around him was the wind, blowing the ashes across the sea. 

 

“He loved you, you know that, Marco?” Jean’s mother spoke softly as she thumbed over the picture in the photo album. “He’d call me everyday and tell me how much he loved you.”  
Marco looked down at the photo of Jean with his friends: Sasha and Connie. Arms flung around each other's shoulders while Sasha held her McDouble Cheeseburger in her mouth. _He didn’t lie when he said she could eat three times her weight, did he?_  
He noticed then a beautiful picture of Jean in a disgusting powder blue tux, next to a blond boy with the same tux. “Is this…?”  
“Yes, this is Thomas. This was his boyfriend at the time.”  
“So he…?”  
“Most likely, yes.” She sighed and rubbed her thumb over Jean’s face in the picture. “I heard he died a few years ago. He was afraid to come out to me. I don't know why. I always told him it didn't matter to me. Yet, he hid. And. Now…” She began to choke up, and Marco moved over to pull her into his arms.   
“It's okay. Don't cry, Mrs. K. Jean was a good boy. He was happy. You know. His last words?”  
“Huh?” She hiccuped.   
“ _‘Take care of my mama. I love her, and I need the two most important people in my life to be there for one another.’_ ”   
“What a dick.” She laughed wiping away her tears.   
“What?” Confused was an understatement.   
“He's supposed to be taking care of us.” She smiled before closing the album. “He's supposed to be alive and raising a family of two kids with you. I wanted to be a grandma… I wanted my son to be happy…. So. Thank you.”   
“For?” Marco asked softly, the corner of his lips pulling into a faltering smile.  
“Being his happiness.”


End file.
